RIP Q4aD

QUEEN FOR A DAY
lyrics © Kristen Caven
music © Michael O'Dell

ASHLEY: QUEEN for a Day Queen FOR a Day Queen for A Day Queen for a DAAAY.
[Ashley picks up the books that she brought in and shelves them in silence. She picks out a few new books.]
[mocking a trumpet fanfare]
[silly singsong] Queen for a Daaaay!
[sings] If I were queen for just one day, I’d be… “mother of the nation.”
I can’t imagine what I’d say to give the world a real vacation from the troubles that it’s in

[speaks/types] Like global warming – what a nightmare, nuclear proliferation, illegal arms deals, carjacking, corporate greed, homelessness, helplessness, poverty, the spiraling costs of heathcare…[misspells and corrects typing] whoops, healthcare…

If I were queen for just a day, imagine how the world could change…
There’s so much crap to rearrange

But being queen for one short day wouldn’t give me that much power.
Change takes time, there is no way I could get that much done in only twenty-four hours!
And further…I believe in democracy so I’d change laws with hesitation,
But I’d use my aristocracy to speak my truth and offer inspiration!

What I’d do to get through to the people who are stuck like glue in their shit, and should quit, take some time to look at it—at the clutter in their minds, it’s like butter in their veins clogging up their hearts, tear away the broken chains, get a start on growing pains!

I would instate a ban on hate and try to change our fate and activate the greatness in the soul
of everyone I serve! I would preach them back to nature, so they’d learn to nurture, mend the
sutures of a family torn apart by death... I mean… a world…

[sighs, types a moment, then sings]
If I were queen…
For just a day…

When you try to clean with Drano and mix it with Liquid Plumber, the explosive fumes can kill you like they did my loving mother. And my father died from cancer from his toxic body burden from a life in an environment filled with fossil fumes...

And the money that dad left us goes in circles back to plastic that will be here many eons after we have left the earth.

[A door SLAMS open. DEBRA and DONNA enter stage right carrying cans of soda, bags of chips, and magazines. Donna is blabbing into a cordless phone and hovers near Ashley, pawing carelessly through the stacks of laundry Ashley has just folded. Debra clears a pile of bags off the sofa in one grand swoop and flops down where it was to channel-surf. Donna talks rapidly, non-stop, her ideas clashing with Ashley’s as they sing simultaneously.]

DONNA: [speaking] If I were queen for a day, just think of everything I’d own! “Queen Donna Brown” for just a day—can you see me on the throne? (Oh, totally!)

If I were queen for a day I’d SO wear the most exquisite gowns, and ride in an open convertible (it’s gotta be red), with gloves past my elbow and wave! People would totally curtsey to me and go, “Yer Majisty this” and “Yer majesty that” And I’d be all— and it would be totally rad.

ASHLEY: [sings] If I were queen for just a day imagine how the world could change…there’s so much crap to rearrange!

[types/speaks] If I were queen for a day I’d SO call on the cities and towns to energize every constituent with love and the power to save the people who need a free lunch now and then —

[shouts at Donna] What are you, SIX?

DONNA: [ignoring her] Speaking of which, did you see in the latest issue of Mirabella they had those thigh-high stockings with the ribbing—[stops to breathe more than to listen]—no not those, those were cute too but I don’t like wide stripes, they make my legs look too fat—

[Ashley turns back to her text conversation with Linda]

DONNA: ...but the other ones with the butterflies, yeah, I almost rushed out and bought them but I’ve maxed out my credit card again and plus I probably can’t get them in my size, since my thighs are only sixteen inches [breathes] so I’ll talk to you later, K? —K! — Bye.

ASHLEY: [texts/speaks] If I were Q4aD I’d have my stepsister strangled w/ a thigh-high stocking.

Listen